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Tim Baker
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Tim Baker
Tim Baker is one half of the legendary Vaudville joke and song duo Chico and the other ethnic stereotype(convincingly played by Michael Douglas). Since leaving the Vaudville circuit Tim has had a slew of jobs including vending machine repair man, Walmart greeter at that Greater Deluth Walmart, and most recently handicam operator on According to Jim.
Del LeFevre
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Del LeFevre
Growing up my entire family had huge boners for Billy Joel. I never understood it. (Mind you I was rocking out to Snap's "The Power" at the time so who was I to judge) Four sisters, a twin brother, and a Dad who ALL owned Billy Joel's “Greatest Hits”. Some had it in the tape format, others had made the leap to the new and exciting world of cds...but they ALL had it. Crazy. Why have SIX copies of the same craptastic album under one roof? I could not be like them! At the tender age of twelve I realized I would need to follow my own Joel-less musical path. I had to. It was my destiny. I packed my bags and left. I would be the David Carradine of musical “Kung Fu”. Wandering the earth, making sure wherever I went it would be a “Piano Man” Free zone. I’ve followed that mantra from then to today…and now I bring it to you.
Reggie Hancock
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Reggie Hancock
Sometimes, from great adversity comes great and momentous results. Likewise, a slovenly life of creature comforts and materialism often brings half-assed results. Such is the case of Reggie “Reggie” Hancock, born to a carpetbagging oil tycoon and a dilettante cotton heiress at the turn of the twentieth century. Bright beyond his years, Reggie studied Phrenology and Alienism at the University for Male White Persons in Skokee , Massachusetts when he was but thirty-three years old. When World War II rolled around, Reggie was able to trick the draft board by filling out the wrong birth date on his application form; he claimed to be born thirty years into the future and was summarily rejected. A bunch of other stuff happened, and eventually Reggie would get the battery-operated Omega Supreme transformable city, which had to be mail-ordered from Hasbro and cost a lot of money for the time. This would prove to be the pinnacle of his existence.
Joel Frieders
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Joel Frieders
Contrary to popular belief, Joel Frieders isn't a pygmy. Fourteen stables and purple salmon, ring around the rosey never felt so contingent on Reggie's erect pinky while sipping the nectar of the gods you call Five Alive. Whereforart thou riches stain my Guiness glasses in participatory malfiecence and rudebwoi cross colors clothing. Bigger than the beatles, bigger than breast implants, bigger than guns, bigger than cigarettes.
Love,
Dad
Justin Asher
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Justin Asher
July 14th, A.D. 1988
My usual aversion to ice cubes and the pathogens they might preserve was put aside today when a chilled crowberry syrup was offered to me by my captors after 3 days in their stinging sweatbox. It's a mystery how I suddenly stoked their wrath but even stranger how I was granted entree to their mountain sanctum to begin with. Perhaps the feculent torture box was not punishment but initiation. what brutal truths lie ahead? Kept in place with crimean war-era muskets, the village bathed in fireside watery brass lit obscurity, I was forced to watch a man, who appeared the oldest among them, rifle through my travel satchel and remove it's contents. scarcely able to breath I dry heaved the words "it's just a bunch of old records". My desperate foreign tongue was ignored and his thorough search continued
Kojo Kisseih
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Kojo Kisseih
Vital Statistics
Age: Timeless..(in Jesus time, it's 27)
Heritage: ATL via Ghana
Likes: Rock/Hip-Hop/your mom
Dislikes: your mom
Gets Rocks Off: instrumentation
Hates: Hitler(homey was a jerk)
Wishes: You'd quit reading what he's wishing about and mind ur own business
Awesome: Yes
Ted Singer
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Ted Singer
They say Rock and Roll is a young man's game. When I turned 27, my grandmother's response was, "That's not young". What does that mean now that I am pushing 40? My wife thinks that my friends and I sitting around listening to music is juvenile (ok, maybe she not just talking about the music listening). I live and work in northern Westchester County, NY among lots of lawyers and investment bankers. I have a bunch of kids and pets, I coach youth teams, I go to couples dinners. No, I am not Kevin Spacey in "American Beauty" - there are no teenage cheerleaders trying to bed me and Ricky Fitts isn't trying to sell me weed for $2000 a baggie. I like my cliched suburban life. But, everybody needs something. Music is my book club, poker night, softball league and mah jong circle. I don't have a lot of time to listen every week, so I count on a lot of different filters (friends, podcasts, blogs, magazines) to guide golden musical nuggets to my pan. We spend our life being sifted through filters, and sifting the non-stop barrage of information coming at us. Each week, I'll let you know what album my filters let through. Despite my slide into middle age, I am trying to not go gentle into that good night. Who know, maybe there's still time to be Bill Graham (pictured)? If not, at least I can pretend to be Lester Bangs.
Andre Abramowitz
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Andre Abramowitz
Andre Abramowitz was born and raised in the Queen Borough and currently lives in Washington Heights. A 35 year old former guitarist in a Grindcore band with a huge following amongst lepers and the mentally retarded, Andre listens to music far better than he plays it. When he's not spreading the gospel of good tunes, he can be found writing obsessively about baseball, cooking Latin cuisine, planning for the collapse of modern civilization and working as a freelance grip and set builder.
Chaz Kangas
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Chaz Kangas
Chaz Kangas (Chaz Kangas) was raised by his parents in a house. Later, he attended a college where he lived in a dorm. Upon graduating from this school (in a building) with a diploma he keeps in a frame, he found himself in a bedroom in an apartment. He has tried eight (8) different flavors of Pop Tarts, owns zero (0) yachts and made it to Webelo Scout until he left to pursue bringing Def Comedy to under-developed (ie. Non-United States) nations and spend more time with his Sega-CD.
